It is ON.

Vacation is over. Nine days away with the family and friends was fantastic for the soul. Time to laugh and rejuvenate. Not to mention the 5-7 miles of walking every day.

JT and I were able to get a few runs in at our resort. We ran around the Boardwalk to the Swan and Dolphin resorts, The Yacht and Beach Club Resort, Hollywood Studios and Epcot. It was picture perfect in many ways.

But, let’s have an honest confession. I ate whatever I wanted with no regard for marathon training or weight loss or health. And I’m paying the price now.

Exactly the way I feel right now too, Zeke.

So, tomorrow begins the marathon training FOR REAL. And I could use your help. You see, my motivation is severely lacking if not non-existent at the moment. Sure, I don’t want to embarrass myself during the race, and I certainly don’t want to fail. But, neither of those desires is trumping my longing to stay in bed each morning for a little more sleep or to eat whatever is desirable. Uuggh. And I despise that. I wish I felt differently.

But, that’s just it. My feelings can come and go. They wax and wane in ways that I cannot control. And, they cannot control the marathon training.

Training is on. I need some accountability for the next three months. I am craving it. Please feel free to slap those chips out of my hand if you see me at a Mexican restaurant. And, water is all I can drink (anything with sugar does not help my tummy). Running and training are essential to the process…and I have NO desire whatsoever right now. But, I need it, and the discipline will come if I persevere.

Ask me how it’s going. I need you. You are all a vital part of this training. I cannot do this alone. Thank you in advance for making this journey possible!

Will I Survive?

We started 2014 with a countdown to our family vacation...254 days until a trip to Disneyworld. And, now there are only 3 more days until we leave! I wish I could adequately describe the sense of energy and excitement in this house. And oh, the determination we all have to get schoolwork done so well....I could bottle this and sell it. I'd be a millionaire overnight.

Everyone is looking forward to the time away mainly because it means that we don't have to cook one single meal, wash dishes, do schoolwork or do any kind of chores for over a week! This momma needs a break...desperately!

And so, a break it will be. Not from running though. Still gotta log those miles and keep my body preparing for the marathon in January. There will be no off time from that. But, I will be taking a break from my phone and computer. No e-mails, texts, phone calls, etc. I'll be snapping pictures and posting them and using my Disney app to keep me updated on our schedule (as I would forget every single reservation we have), but that's it.

I don't know about you, but I am longing for the days when we didn't know everything about everybody. If I needed to talk to someone, I called his/her house. If that person didn't answer. Well, there was no answering machine or voicemail. Just call back later! I kinda miss those days!

Obviously, I need some time away. And, I'm gladly taking it. I'll be off the radar for about 10 days. I'm sure you will all survive just fine. I know I will.

Hitting the Wall...that I built.

My goal was met yesterday as I hit 100 miles for the month. It's never happened before, and it must happen over and over before running the marathon in January. Up until now, the most miles I have run in a month was 87 (and that was just last month)! So, there's a huge part of me that is celebrating that victory. God's grace allowed me to get to that number.

And yet, I am mad at myself. I can't seem to get past the fact that I hit the 100 miles on Friday and didn't run again all weekend. It wasn't that I didn't have the opportunity. I just didn't want to. I hit my goal and I was done. D-O-N-E, done. No desire left to run. Excuses all around...not enough time, out of town, unfamiliar area, goal already met, etc. Nothing within me had one lick of unction to run...at all.

Am I just running to be ready for the marathon in January? If I do some soul searching, then yep, that's the main reason. And, that's not acceptable. It's a lofty goal - yes, I see that. And I must run to achieve it. Yes, I've got that part of the equation. But, I need to run because my body requires it, my Lord has commanded it, and I desire it. Of those choices, none are the reason I am actually running right now. My heart is just not in it at all. My head is DEFINITELY not in it. And, that's the biggest problem.

I am basing my attitude on my feelings. And that will get me into trouble every time. Feelings come and go with time of day, environment, what I ate, and so much more. They are not reliable and must not be the basis of my runs. I must not focus on how I feel during a run because I will quit every single time. No matter when and where I run, I find myself desiring to quit every half mile. I want to stop. I do not want to run.

I have hit a wall...a wall that I built. I am sabotaging myself with my negative thinking, fear of failure and constant worrying about quitting. I realize that running is largely mental, and I am losing that battle right now. I am not sure how to get past this point so I'm recruiting your advice/wisdom/help. What gets you past a wall in your life? How do you cope with negative thoughts that permeate your desire to obey? Through me a rope people....I need you.

The Goal in Sight....

Jett running ahead of me in a recent race for Unadopted here in Birmingham.

The goal has been set, and honestly, it has scared me. One hundred miles in a month. With a husband, kids, homeschooling, soccer, helping to run a ministry, piano/voice, co-op classes, teaching a small group, keeping up a home, etc, etc, etc, life is a little busy these days.

In 2012 the most miles I ran in a month was close to 75. I haven’t come close to that until last month when I hit 86. The 100 mile month has eluded me so far, but I will have to do it over and over again in order to train properly for the marathon in January.

And now, it’s within sight. I’m at 81.4 with a week left to go in August. And, I’m fearful. A fear that I will give up. A fear that I just won’t make it.

But, who is the author of that fear? Not the Lord! It’s the enemy who whispers shame and guilt and fear into my life. And I listen…constantly. It is disappointing to say the least. But, the voice of the One who called me to do this is so much greater. It may not be louder some days, but it is clearer, and it is faithful. And, I will trust in His plan.

Please pray that I will be dedicated to the journey He has for me. I give in to my fear of failure too often, and it is embarrassing. It is shameful.

Do you have something God has called you to do? Are you scared? Will you do it anyway?

Let us press on toward the prize that He has set before us. For me, it’s trusting in Him for every step, knowing that He alone will sustain me. Keep my eyes off myself and my feelings…look to Him alone for every single need.

Thank you all for your love, support and encouragement along this path!

Big Mistake and A New Record

Have you ever seen two things that just don't seem to go together? Like a vending machine that sells bait. A beauty shop where you can file your taxes. Burger King selling fish.

I always laugh when I say the opposite ends of a spectrum but things that aren't even in the same category? Those things make me laugh. I have a friend who orders a hamburger at a popular seafood restaurant. Another who gets her nails done at a gas station. I am entertained to say the least.

I guess it's not as funny when it happens to me. As soon as I realize that I hit a new record, I simultaneously encounter a new low. And, I'm not amused.

Last week, I ran six days for a total of 29.9 miles. It's the most I've run in a week EVER. Along with the previous week's mileage of 26.1, my total for the month is now at 56.0. I'm on the way to hitting 100 miles in August...and that's will be a new record! Increasing mileage every week has been hard but necessary for training. God is stretching me in ways I have never encountered, and my prayer life has been at full force. It's amazing how much God brings to mind in an hour long training session!

At the same time, I made several huge mistakes this past weekend....and I write them down to help me remember what NOT to do again and to help anyone else who might be heading down the wrong road:

1. Because of our schedule, we had to run 6 miles early on Saturday OUTSIDE. We've only run 4-6 miles total outside at this point. With the heat and humidity (and the people we are responsible for caring for once we get back home), it's just not a good plan right now. We were soaked, hungry and tired. Way to start the day.
2. We didn't plan our eating and hydration well. We left our home after running to participate in a local run with Unadopted here in Birmingham. Great race and great cause. Poor timing on our parts. We had to run another 3 with the brilliant idea of getting in an additional two after the race. Wonderful concept. Poor judgment. We didn't consume enough carbs or protein or liquid before arriving and were pooped out by mile two.
3. Again, the race was outside which means miles 7,8, and 9 were outside too. That's a big increase to run outside when we've been running inside primarily. Not to mention that we were exhausted at this point.
4. Running after the race was a huge No No with legs that already felt like jelly, a stomach begging to be fed protein and carbs (and there were plenty of those available...but I didn't want to see them again on the trail), and a head that was spinning from the heat and lack of hydration.

So, I got in 10 miles for the day (coming up one mile short of my goal of 11) but it felt like 20. I made some major mistakes (I'm still a rookie, you know), and I am still paying for them. Lessons learned.

I think I'll focus on the new record and just learn from the error of my ways. Maybe you can too!

Why?

Not long ago I sat across from a young twenty-something year old beauty who told me a little of her history with the Lord. She had packed up her belongings, said goodbye to her family and planted her life in Africa. She was serving the Lord when He began to convict her about her motives. She moved back home realizing that she had some growing to do. God showed her that her intentions were not pure or holy…instead, they were self-glorifying and self-gratifying and brought the honor and praise to her, not God.

I think we can all relate. Many times our motivation is not God-honoring. So, we must re-examine our foundation often, daily, hourly, every minute!

In light of that, I have found myself frustrated with not being able to run sometimes. And during my quiet times I have gone before the Lord to ask Him to reveal my motivation for running. He has refined me way more than I ever desired or thought I needed in that area….and it has been very good.

Why DO I run?

1. Because God directed us to run. We’ve tried to do many things, but God continually brings us back to running.
2. Running allows us a platform to share our journey for His great glory. We struggle DAILY (sometimes, it’s an every-15-minute-kinda-thing) with our health, and God is most honored when we submit and obey Him.
3. My physical and mental discipline when it comes to health/exercise STINKS. God has stretched me over and over again and taught me to remain focused on Him. Often, God has used physical principles to teach me spiritual truths. Running develops a discipline that I otherwise do not have.
4. Finally, running gives me great alone time with the Lord. God allows me time to meditate on the Word I’ve read that morning or pray specifically for friends/family or on most days, I wrestle through something He is teaching me.

This past week was my first 25+ mileage weeks in over a year. And, it was tough. Again and again, I wanted to quit and just give up. But, God sustained as He always does. When I keep my eyes on His purposes and plans and not on my own inadequacy/weakness, the run continues.

I am hoping for a first ever 100 mileage month….that will be by God’s grace ALONE. I know that I cannot do it. But, He is greater than my insecurities and fear of humiliation. He will accomplish this by His great power. And, my only part is tiny…submission and obedience. It’s the least I can do.

God's Plan A

“It’s just a little walk from here,” she said with a sparkle in her eyes. I already knew that her definition of “little” and mine were quite different. “Shortcut” is another one of her misnomers. I am quite aware of the hike we are about to embark upon.

I step out of the van with nothing but my Bible and a rain jacket. Members of our team are waiting and I can see that they are blissfully ignorant of what lies ahead. With Gladys carrying her youngest baby, Marleni walking with her daughter, Anayeli, and kids running circles around us, we started down a paved path.

Soon the path became gravel-like and took several turns. Like Hansel and Gretel, I wondered if I shouldn’t have thought of leaving a trail of crackers or bread. Directions are not my forte, you know. Talking is less and I hear the huffing of others. I sure am glad I’ve been running lately.

“Right there,” Gladys calls out as we walk past a make-shift fence and a tin door. We stop and run around, making our way through the entrance. Immediately, my eyes shift from side to side to see the ratty conditions of the place but then, I look up. Quickly scanning the landscape I see a house ahead and a steep path above that leading to a shack on the top of the cliff. Somehow, I have a feeling that the summit is where we are headed. Sadly, I was right.

It’s a tiny home (think 250 square feet) with a rigged grill in the front area. A pot of beans is on the coals, and the smoke is wafting out over the sheet covering the door. We are led to the back partitioned bedroom with one full size bed. Light is pouring in the plastic that acts as a wall. Flash cards of sounds hang as decoration on one wall, so someone is learning to read. A picture of Mary, Joseph and Jesus hangs on the cardboard behind the bed…”There’s the starting point,” is what I sensed in my spirit.

We engage in small talk and introductions. The woman is in tears already as she pours out her heart about two sick children (one has a heart condition from birth and the other has been in the hospital lately), a husband who drinks and beats her, no money to feed the kids, and a hope that does not exist in her world.

God has, of course, appointed, Marleni to be on this team, and the similarities in their lives are numerous. You see, God designed a time just a few months ago, when Marleni was pouring out her struggles to a few of us in her home. She has been a faithful Christ-follower for years and has invested in the mission church in Lantana since its inception. With every team she gives of herself and her family to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Yet, her life is not without hardships, and she was crying out to God for His great comfort. Today, she stood in a home where another woman shared a similar story.

Opening God’s Word, I quickly went from one passage to another as the translator rattled off the words. God is holy. Man is sinful. Man is separated from God. He is just. We are dead in our sins. He is gracious. Jesus lived a perfect life, died for us, and rose again. And, all you need to do is STOP….um, what? STOP is clearly what God impresses upon my heart. STOP RIGHT THERE. That’s all you are to do.

I gotta admit that the moment was a little awkward. The problem has been laid out - we are sinful and God is holy. We cannot get to Him because we are a depraved and wicked people. The answer has been shared - Jesus Christ came and lived a life without sin, died a death in our place and was raised from the dead three days later. Silence. Silence. Silence. The translator stares at me with questioning eyes. I just stare back. And then, Marleni’s shirt is my peripheral vision….it hits me like a ton of bricks. She taps me on the back and says, “Ask her if she wants to accept Christ now.” I can’t. It’s not my role to play. The question is Marleni’s to ask. This is why she is on this team.

I have never heard her share the Gospel personally because she often prays while we are reading God’s Word. She steps up and looks at me like a baby wanting to be rescued. She is nervous and shaking and not sure what to say. My mouth is closed…just as it should be.

It was not by accident that Marleni was able to share how a personal relationship with God is possible and how Jesus made the way. She talked about believing in God, knowing what He has done for us, admitting and confessing sins, and accepting His free gift of salvation. Then, she said that the road would not be easy and told of her own struggles with a husband who left her earlier this year. She didn’t dwell there long. Instead, Marleni was able to share how God has brought her great joy and peace during this time. Only God did that. And it was good. And glorious.

Isn’t God’s plan amazing? I stand in awe of how He brought us all together to accomplish His purposes as only He can. Praise His name for His great will and the ways He brings it all to pass.