A Lifetime Struggle

My mind is racing with so many things to write but I can’t seem to focus on just one. There’s the post on the HARDEST number of kids to have (I have a formula, and I think it’s pretty snazzy), how to shop for Christmas without blowing the bank or your mind, the fact that our girls just beat the socks off us in a 1/2 marathon relay….there’s just so much. I think it’s the curse of being a female. My mind only stops to go to sleep. And even then, I wake up with a “to do” list a mile long.

So, let’s get back to the basics. I struggle with my weight and staying healthy. I don’t think that’s a surprise to anyone but in case it was, now you know. And knowing is far less than half the battle. It’s about 1% of it. I think that all people who have a hard time eating healthy and exercising KNOW the issues. It’s not the knowing that we need more of…it’s the DOING that we long for.

I am at a FAR better place than I was 2 years ago when I tipped the scales at well over 200 lbs. I think I allowed myself to get on the scale around 210 but had already lost some before I got there. When I look back at photos, I think 220-225 was probably more like it. And, on my frame, that doesn’t bode so well. Double/triple chins, belly rolls, size 18-20 pants and X-Large shirts please. And don’t forget to tune out anything and anyone who talks about eating well and getting healthy. They just don’t know.

In part, that’s true. People who don’t struggle in this area have a hard time understanding it just like I have a difficulty understanding other sins that are not a weakness for me (kidnapping, shoplifting, pornography, etc.). Everyone has a bent to sin…it’s called the flesh and our sin nature. Mine is sharply pointed at eating whatever is in sight with no regard for health and being lazy (meaning sitting down all day and avoiding activity if possible).

Two years ago this past month God broke our hearts and convicted us in the area of honoring Him with our bodies. It has been the hardest journey of my life. Because it is NOT over. I still struggle daily with making wise choices and exercising. I want to avoid it at all costs. I make excuses. I loathe that part of me.

What do I want? Honestly, I want it to be easy. I want to crave healthy foods and to jump out of bed ready to run. I want to enjoy it…for it to be fun. Flashback to me telling my kids “Not everything in life is fun. But, there are just some things you HAVE to do.” Uuggh. I need to take my own advice.

So, after my surgery, I have to recommit to healthy eating and exercise. I know that this is a lifetime struggle for me (and many of you too). It does NOT come naturally or easy. The best things in life usually don’t come that way. I have to be disciplined and self-controlled under the leadership of the Holy Spirit. I must be strict because my body EASILY leans toward out of control and downward spirals.

I have already been back at Crossfit and slowly running. This fall I am taking the “mile a day” challenge as well. Between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, I will run at least a mile EVERY day…no off days, no excuses. Rain or snow (ha!) or cold or hot or sick…I will run. The plan is to continue to go to Crossfit three days a week, run a 5K two days a week, and a long run on Saturday. Now, I will run one mile on the Crossfit days and on Sunday…no days wasted. The idea is to instill discipline in my body and a craving for running daily.

A half marathon awaits in February, and honestly , I am scared stiff. It is hilly, and it is COOOOLD (I know that’s relative to my friends in the north, but lookah here…we Southerners can withstand 110º heat and 100% humidity dressed to the nines for a funeral outside for an hour…so there!). It’s the hills that frighten me most. I despise them because guess what? They are more work! Uuggh. See a pattern.

Join me in this fight as we battle on to honor the Lord in this area of our lives. I am in the trenches with you. You are not alone. We will not waver. We will not be defeated.