It is ON.

Vacation is over. Nine days away with the family and friends was fantastic for the soul. Time to laugh and rejuvenate. Not to mention the 5-7 miles of walking every day.

JT and I were able to get a few runs in at our resort. We ran around the Boardwalk to the Swan and Dolphin resorts, The Yacht and Beach Club Resort, Hollywood Studios and Epcot. It was picture perfect in many ways.

But, let’s have an honest confession. I ate whatever I wanted with no regard for marathon training or weight loss or health. And I’m paying the price now.

Exactly the way I feel right now too, Zeke.

So, tomorrow begins the marathon training FOR REAL. And I could use your help. You see, my motivation is severely lacking if not non-existent at the moment. Sure, I don’t want to embarrass myself during the race, and I certainly don’t want to fail. But, neither of those desires is trumping my longing to stay in bed each morning for a little more sleep or to eat whatever is desirable. Uuggh. And I despise that. I wish I felt differently.

But, that’s just it. My feelings can come and go. They wax and wane in ways that I cannot control. And, they cannot control the marathon training.

Training is on. I need some accountability for the next three months. I am craving it. Please feel free to slap those chips out of my hand if you see me at a Mexican restaurant. And, water is all I can drink (anything with sugar does not help my tummy). Running and training are essential to the process…and I have NO desire whatsoever right now. But, I need it, and the discipline will come if I persevere.

Ask me how it’s going. I need you. You are all a vital part of this training. I cannot do this alone. Thank you in advance for making this journey possible!

Will I Survive?

We started 2014 with a countdown to our family vacation...254 days until a trip to Disneyworld. And, now there are only 3 more days until we leave! I wish I could adequately describe the sense of energy and excitement in this house. And oh, the determination we all have to get schoolwork done so well....I could bottle this and sell it. I'd be a millionaire overnight.

Everyone is looking forward to the time away mainly because it means that we don't have to cook one single meal, wash dishes, do schoolwork or do any kind of chores for over a week! This momma needs a break...desperately!

And so, a break it will be. Not from running though. Still gotta log those miles and keep my body preparing for the marathon in January. There will be no off time from that. But, I will be taking a break from my phone and computer. No e-mails, texts, phone calls, etc. I'll be snapping pictures and posting them and using my Disney app to keep me updated on our schedule (as I would forget every single reservation we have), but that's it.

I don't know about you, but I am longing for the days when we didn't know everything about everybody. If I needed to talk to someone, I called his/her house. If that person didn't answer. Well, there was no answering machine or voicemail. Just call back later! I kinda miss those days!

Obviously, I need some time away. And, I'm gladly taking it. I'll be off the radar for about 10 days. I'm sure you will all survive just fine. I know I will.

Hitting the Wall...that I built.

My goal was met yesterday as I hit 100 miles for the month. It's never happened before, and it must happen over and over before running the marathon in January. Up until now, the most miles I have run in a month was 87 (and that was just last month)! So, there's a huge part of me that is celebrating that victory. God's grace allowed me to get to that number.

And yet, I am mad at myself. I can't seem to get past the fact that I hit the 100 miles on Friday and didn't run again all weekend. It wasn't that I didn't have the opportunity. I just didn't want to. I hit my goal and I was done. D-O-N-E, done. No desire left to run. Excuses all around...not enough time, out of town, unfamiliar area, goal already met, etc. Nothing within me had one lick of unction to run...at all.

Am I just running to be ready for the marathon in January? If I do some soul searching, then yep, that's the main reason. And, that's not acceptable. It's a lofty goal - yes, I see that. And I must run to achieve it. Yes, I've got that part of the equation. But, I need to run because my body requires it, my Lord has commanded it, and I desire it. Of those choices, none are the reason I am actually running right now. My heart is just not in it at all. My head is DEFINITELY not in it. And, that's the biggest problem.

I am basing my attitude on my feelings. And that will get me into trouble every time. Feelings come and go with time of day, environment, what I ate, and so much more. They are not reliable and must not be the basis of my runs. I must not focus on how I feel during a run because I will quit every single time. No matter when and where I run, I find myself desiring to quit every half mile. I want to stop. I do not want to run.

I have hit a wall...a wall that I built. I am sabotaging myself with my negative thinking, fear of failure and constant worrying about quitting. I realize that running is largely mental, and I am losing that battle right now. I am not sure how to get past this point so I'm recruiting your advice/wisdom/help. What gets you past a wall in your life? How do you cope with negative thoughts that permeate your desire to obey? Through me a rope people....I need you.