Monday, January 13, 2014

Reporting In...

I ‘m dressed in army fatigues…well, if pajama pants and a t-shirt count as military wear…and I’m heading into my superior’s office. “Weakling reporting for duty…checking in with details about last week.” That’s how I feel. Pretty much like a dog with his tail tucked between its legs.

Before some of you suggest I’m being tough on myself and it’s okay, this is NOT self-deprecating. I NEED accountability. We all do. I know when I’ve made mistakes, and for too long, I’ve chosen to run to people who will say, “It’s not a big deal” or “You are doing the best you can” or “You are doing so much better than other people.” While that all sounds great and feeds my ego, that makes this healthy eating about ME…and IT IS NOT. If it was about me, I would eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to consume it. I cannot do that and honor the Lord with my body. I need people who will find out what I really ate and whether I exercised or not. I need strict. Soon enough my body will again crave healthy things including the right foods and exercise, but for now, it does not.

The eating plan I am going with is the 17 day diet which I have done before and can handle. It’s easy enough for me and there are tons of ideas out there on how to make it work. It’s not so much a diet as it is a healthy eating plan. I’m working on cycle 2 because I need additional carbs for energy to work out each day.

Here’s what I ate …it’s the FIRST time I’ve ever really recorded what I ate to where I can see it. It makes it harder to dismiss little bites of one thing because I have to write them down. I need to see the details. There were three occasions that I found especially difficult. The first was on Tuesday. I took our oldest daughter to a class, and so I had 4 hours to hang out while she did the whole learning thing. Errands did NOT take my mind or stomach off all the temptations at hand. I found myself desiring EVERY single thing I passed - doughnuts (the “Hot Now” sign was on people), chocolate, ice cream (even in sub-freezing temperatures), and even Chuck E. Cheese pizza (it was at this point that I realized I was clearly desperate). Then, our family usually eats out on Wednesday nights before church - they chose a Mexican place. When the chips and salsa came to our table, I wanted to pull my hair out…one piece at a time…and light it on fire. But God was faithful and handed out some self-control. I ordered the fajitas but only ate the chicken, onions and peppers with a little guacamole….cue the choir). The final challenge was at a birthday party for some friends on Saturday. I knew it would be around lunchtime and I should have prepared for that….a protein bar, some fruit and water. But alas, I did not. So, I ate 1/2 a sandwich, 1 piece of cheese and 6 sliced pickles. It wasn’t that it was bad for me but that I was still hungry. I chose water over eating chips or all the cupcakes I could see (and I wanted EVERY single one of them). Lessons learned from all three occasions.

(All photos of things I had the opportunity to eat but said no to. Now that is by God's grace alone.)

I realize that my body is rejecting the healthy eating again, but who’s in charge here? My body or my mind? I know that Christ wants to be honored with all of it, so self-control is crucial. I envision priests in olden days beating their bodies into submission, and I feel like that with food…so I completely realize that I have made food an idol in my life. I think of it often. I want it. I crave it. And not the good stuff either. I must continually submit to the Lord’s leadership and say no to processed foods and sugars.

Well, I made it through the first week back to healthy eating and exercise. I am feeling better. I know that the sluggish feelings are due to the withdrawals from sugar and overeating. I am suffering because of lack of control for the past month. It will not be easy. I will carry on.

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