I'm moving on

First it was bread on the table of a popular Italian restaurant...but now, it's doughnuts. Not just any doughnuts but hot-right-now-melt-in-your-mouth-deliciousness doughnuts. In my car. The front seat. Beside me. I stopped by the doughnut store to pick up a couple of dozen for our student ministry friends. It was a big weekend for them and I thought it would help them to press through (after being in student ministry for a dozen years, it is refreshing to know that people actually think about you and appreciate you). With only one child in the car I figured I would be safe and accountable to someone. So, I pulled through and picked up the oh-so-yummy treats. I sat them safely in my front seat and pulled away. Then, I patted the top of the doughnut box and said, "I will NOT eat you. I love Jesus more than I love you." Forgetting that Jett was with me was probably a mistake (look, when you have 5 kids and it is NEVER quiet except at 2:00 am, it's hard to remember one when he's working on schoolwork in the back seat and not even breathing loudly). Jett promptly says, "Ummm, Mom, are YOU talking to the DOUGHNUTS?" Without a shed of shame I announced, "Yes I am son. I have to. I need to hear myself say it aloud." My favorite part was when he just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Okay, I was just checking." For some reason I have a fondness for sugar, and the book Made to Crave has shown me that I crave what I eat. I have eaten refined sugar for SO long and I have become a champion of it. I can eat it publicly, privately or even in secret. I crave it. I want it like I want nothing else. Including Jesus. Do I honestly crave Him? Do I want Him so badly that I am willing to give up everything else to spend time with Him? I want to crave Jesus more than I crave anything else including food, my reputation, my sleep, etc. I want more of Him and less of me. WAY more of Him and WAY less of me. That same afternoon last week I found myself in the car alone while the older girls were in classes, the littles were having Daddy time and Jett was playing with a friend. I had just left a healthy lunch with my brothers and sister in law. I had eaten grilled snapper, broccoli and a salad. I was full. As soon as I sat in the car, my sweet tooth started acting up. Just go get a little something. No one is with you. No one will know. You've worked so hard. You deserve it. A little won't hurt you. Again I had to speak truth...I am NOT hungry. I am NOT hungry. I do NOT need anything else to eat. I cried out to God to take the desire away, and He did. I prayed and He responded. Praise His holy name! There is far less of me than there was 12 weeks ago...35 lbs to be exact. I don't get on the scale every day (multiple times a day) anymore. JT has still hidden the scale, and he gets it out once a week for me. I rely on God for my encouragement and affirmation instead of the numbers. I rely on Him to keep me running when I think I can't take another step. He is my strength and my all in all. All glory and honor belong to Him!