This past Friday I made good on my promise to take the kids to see Ice Age (on a side note, they can handle the father figure in a movie getting separated from his family only to pursue them and find his way home. If the mother is turned into another animal, abducted, even thought to be hurt, etc, they do not handle that well. Nightmares for weeks and endless questions about my safety....we will not be seeing any movies like that. Again. Ever.). We were right across from the mall, and since we have a small list of clothing needs (after clearing out all of our closets), we headed over there for a few minutes.
Of all days, they had a fire in the mall...that should have been a clue to leave, but alas, it was not. I went into the department store to find a few pair of pants for Z, but I would have to haul everyone back in the van (insert huffy sigh) and use a different entrance. So, since M needed a few things, we headed to the women's department.
After eight months of eating healthy and exercising, I can finally look at clothes in a new light. I only have 2 pair of capris that fit, so I found a rack where there were plenty (and they were on sale). I delightfully picked up a single digit size and hauled my littles into the dressing room (at Belk, there's plenty of room for all of them which is a very good thing). I put them on, and my kids immediately shouted (and I do mean SHOUTED), "Momma, those are TOO big." I looked in the mirror several times and checked the tag over and over again. Can this be so? I know that every brand fits differently, and even every kind of pants in that particular brand fit differently...so I tried some other brands/types. They were all too big.
If my kids hadn't been shaken to their core by my tears, I would have dropped to my knees right there in the dressing room. All those moments of weakness, questioning, doubt, fear, sweat, weariness, and fatigue came flooding back. The images of early morning runs, tying my running shoes, grocery store runs without entering the middle aisles, saying no to desserts, choosing healthy portions, eating well, and exercising no matter what I felt like flashed before my mind. People who have held me accountable and encouraged me came to mind. God used those moments to remind me of how far He has taken me.
I had tried on all of four items when I just couldn't stand anymore...that's a side effect of surgery...I only have so much time on my feet, and then I am done. If I sit up straight without my feet elevated or stand for more than 30 minutes, I am worn out. I'm hoping that disappears soon!
All the way home I just praised the Lord for His conviction. I remember my tears back in December over what I could and could not eat....and over my lack of ability and endurance to even walk a 5K...and about not fitting in a size 18. I recall my desire to do something different but not knowing how or what to do. God reminded me of the days when I would say one thing (I don't want to look this way or feel this way) but how my actions proved differently. Wow...His conviction is good, and His Word can be trusted! When He says that our bodies are His temple and we should honor Him with our bodies, He MEANS it. And, He will do it through you.
You are not alone today in your struggle to get healthy, lose weight, tone up, and honor God with your physical body. He will enable you to do it. If He commands it (and He does...read His Word and see what He says), He will make a way for it to happen. You must be willing to submit your will, your appetite, your preferences, and your excuses to His ways. Submit and know that it will NOT be easy. You will still have to suffer the consequences of your eating habits/lack of exercise....I say this with great experience. I am STILL reaping the results of years of bad habits. But, our God is faithful, and He will be faithful in spite of our faithlessness.
Take those first steps today, and seek the Lord. Admit the sin in your life as it relates to eating/exercising. Ask for forgiveness. Repent and turn the other way! He will show you what He wants you to do! What are you waiting for?
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